Fauxgear
How the Bear about Town
gets about the town.
| In the previous issue of Fauxgue, Doc took a closer look at two classy cabriolets. That adventure ended in a trip to the first aid ward of the local hospital for our trusted test driver, the intrepid Stag. It turned out that standing on the gas and brake pedals, he could not see over the dashboard. To avoid similar accidents, the Fauxgue editor has asked that for this issue, Doc should find test vehicles with a clearer view from the pedals. With this in mind Doc has decided to compare the comfort and driving quality of two bicycles. The Doc is testing these particular two vehicles because our test driver could “liberate” them just outside the Amsterdam railway station. To give our reader the broadest of choices, the FauxGear production team has selected one bike with pedal brakes and one with breaks on the handlebars. Before we handed both bikes over to the Stag, our untamed racing driver, Doc took a closer look at the two test objects. Both of them were designed on the same basic plan: two wheels each, one in the front and one at the back. The first thing that Doc noticed was that both bicycles, although they were both brand spanking new, had a recently broken lock. *looking suspiciously at our test driver* This, of course, may have been a coincidence. Both bikes also happen to have a small luggage rack just behind the saddle that seems to scream “picnic basket!” Those among our readers with any insight into vehicular history have long since known that the wheel was solely invented to transport hampers from kitchen to the nearest suitable picnic area. |
Another useful apparatus Doc found was the bicycle bell, situated on the handle bar of both bikes. This is, contrarily to public opinion, not meant to be used to sound a warning signal in traffic but should be used to indicate that lunch is served, like a mobile dinner gong. The propulsion system of both bikes is identical. Both vehicles have centrally placed engines that run best on a mixture of bacon and coffee. Since though, our test-driver hails from the British Isles, he tested the machines charged on a blend of tea and scones. Early in our test, it became clear that although the Stag, our untamed racing driver, had a clear view of the traffic ahead of him, riding a bike was not as easy as he first though. The trouble this time was the distance between pedals and the steering system. Adult bicycles seem extremely unfriendly to those faux-furries that are somewhat laterally challenged. The Stag in spite of these difficulties has been able to prove that if a bicycle clashes with an Amsterdam tram, the tram wins two out of two times. Nurses at the Amsterdam University Hospital have told Doc that the Stag will be fine in a month or so. Just in time for the next Issue of Fauxgue. Until then Doc says “Drive safely.” The Beardoctor. |
