Horoscopes

Bearly Horoscopes Mystical Misanthropy
by
The All-Seeing Psychic Bingle

Virgo (23 Aug-22 Sep) Go ahead, eat the cookie. No one is looking.	Libra (23 Sep-23 Oct) This month Venus is high in a lateral orbit and Saturn is decidedly taciturn while Mars does an end run out the back door with your new plasma screen.
Scorpio (24 Oct-21 Nov) Postpone that new carpet for at least 16 days. Accidents happen.	Sagittarius (22 Nov-21 Dec) Treat yourself. Take time to have a “me week.” Make it part of the larger “me month” you were already working on.
Capricorn (22 Dec-19 Jan) It’s time for you to sit up and make a decision. Ice or no ice? Well done! Now slump back on the futon with the remote and wait for Shark Week to return.	Aquarius (20 JanN-19 Feb) Not everything has an easy answer. Consider that cookie you were saving. Someone must have taken it.
Pisces (20 Feb-20 Mar) Time to remember who your friends are. No really, when is the last time one of them wrote to you? Do you even know what they look like anymore?	Aries (21 Mar-19 Apr) Your orange jumper is missing! Search for it frantically and do not miss an opportunity to cast blame on anyone you meet. It was your favorite jumper after all and you never take it off...oh.... Perhaps glasses are in order?
Taurus (20 Apr - 20 May) Searching the skies for aliens finally yields remarkable results. Get ready to alert the media with your huge announcement. Write up press releases and statements in advance as you prepare for the firestorm of media coverage. Get one of those cushioned donuts you sit on in case the aliens see you watching them. You'll need it.	Gemini (21 May-20 Jun) Nothing is likely to happen this month. It is destined to be as uneventful as last month. Next month is doubtful too. No one will call either. Stop looking at your phone.
Cancer (21 Jun-22 Jul) Lots of work to do! Time to get your paws dirty and get cracking. At least try to wake up before noon one day this week.	Leo (23 Jul-22 Aug) You’re having trouble reading this because you woke up with your head stuck in a jelly jar. Break the glass in an emergency, otherwise try dish soap and thinking small thoughts.

ALL-KNOWING PSYCHIC BINGLE you loved him in Fauxgue, now enjoy his website TeddyBearDiary.com. See amazing bear exploits and join them if you care to share a picture. Mr. Bingle is a world renown traveler, writer, entertainer and modest chief editor of Teddy Bear Diary.